Random...

I think I'm really too disappointed and stressed at work. Every week I'm going out with my colleagues to drink and be merry on a Monday or Tuesday. I think we all need that break away from school and really have some time out to chill. Other than that, every Saturday I'm out to mark and chill too! I'm going to East Coast for Kangoo Jump later! It's a chill out day with no marking today!!!! I wanna play play play!!!!

Last night I really dragged my feet to CGM. While others TGIF, I really dread Friday. Just that yesterday I didn't have CCA. So my day wasn't as bad as previous weeks. Went for lunch with colleagues and then rushed out to meet another friend for a drink (tea-non-alcoholic). Then I went to popular to walk around and took a train home. Fell asleep on the floor when I reached home and pulled myself up to bathe and cooked instant noodles for dinner. Then the most dreaded part came - I stood all the way on the train from Aljunied to Sembawang. Very tiring.

But I was glad that I went. Although the message was simple last night, God brought me back to how He has always worked in my life even when I refused to talk to Him. I realised that every period of my life I have an "angel" beside me to encourage and cheer me on. Just that as much as I had sensed His intervention and blessings, I could not bring myself to be fully convinced that He is for me.

A few months ago, I was all ready to be serious and get back to His presence. I wrote a few prayers on the prayer booklet that the church gave, all ready to get back on my feet. The sad thing was after praying for one or two days, my prayers not only didn't come true but turned for the worst. I was really angry and disappointed. Isn't prayers supposed to work? Why did it work the opposite way? I had a talk with the person that I prayed for and sensed the same frustrations and disappointment. Since then, I wavered at my faith. I really feel tired travelling long distances, going the extramile, doing more and yet not getting anything back in return. At work, similar things happened. Worked hard but maybe to others, not hard enough, falling short of expectations and got nothing back except frustrations.

So yesterday, I realised that He has never forsaken me. At this point, He has sent Krystin to help me at work. I shouldn't be calculative about what I do. Nowadays, I would compare the amount of work I'm doing with my peers and get very upset with the lesser work done by others. What I am doing, I do unto the Lord. God will reward me in due season. So I MUST cheer up. Do what I can and what I think is good for others. Whether others will do the same for me, I shouldn't expect too much. The joy of the Lord is my strength!

I'm still on the recovery road back to His glory. I hope I can be the "sunshine girl" that I used to be. Being happy and bringing joy to others. I must control my bad comments and prejudice towards others. No more complaints about other people!

I WILL BE HAPPY! I AM HAPPY!